[Youtube Review][TEDx Talks] How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

(Recommended)Popular Videos : [TEDx Talks] How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

 

This time, I will review the popular YouTube videos.

These days, even if it's good to watch on YouTube, sometimes people skip it or don't watch it if it's too long.

When you watch Youtube, do you scroll and read the comments first?

To save your busy time, why don't you check out the fun contents, summary, and empathy comments of popular YouTube videos first and watch YouTube?

(Recommended)Popular Videos : [TEDx Talks] How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDbxqM4Oy1Y

 

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Playtime Comments : [TEDx Talks] How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

Rh******:

10:22 he says “go to a priest and make a confession” not “go to the police” like the captions say

Lo*********:

10:32

Mi*****:

7:15 because professionalism?

Ri****:

10:25 damn... when someone else has your exact dream♡

Jo*******:

I had high hopes for actually learning something. First off, save yourself 9 minutes and skip to 00:09:00. The first 9 minutes has little to do with getting the point across. Then she delivered her point, which is a feel-good message, but lets face it, we use small talk with people we don't have time to really get to know. Acquaintances, business contacts, etc. Do you really have time or the energy to get into deep conversations with these people about the meaning of life?
I hate small talk and had hoped to find some helpful information in this video, but I think the title and message should read more like "ideas on topics for deeper conversations".

Mu*****:

I clicked out of curiosity and stopped watching somewhere on 6:08

Mo*****:

11:14 the one that got away. Her face lit up thinking about him

po*******:

8:08 thought someone would notice the DFTBA. someone wrote DFTBA on the berlin wall.

lu******:

Hahahah cracks me up when the dude said 'go to the police and make a confession' at 10:25.

jB*******:

Scrub to 5:41 to 'skip' her small talk

 

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Top Comments : [TEDx Talks] How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

Sh*************:

I think small talk is still useful in breaking down anxiety and barriers. The problem is we never move into big talk next.

Ma*****************:

1 week? HAHAHHAHA... TRY BEING ALONE 25+ YEARS then tell me what struggle is. I was born alone and will die alone.

Ri**********:

After 10 minutes talking about herself, we finally learn how not to engage in small talk. Just ask profound questions while holding a video camera. Probably helps to be cute as well.

Br**:

She doesn't like small talk but takes 12 years to get to the point of what she's trying to talk about?

Sh**********:

Tl;dw pretty girl goes to college and has a tough year until she finds friends ... Ends up realizing that wine and salsa dancing are what make nights interesting, also deep conversation that doesn't actually change anything but makes you feel like it does makes her feel significant.

Just be friends with everyone 4head.

SA***:

Youthful optimism. I'll speak to u when your 40 and let's see how u feel.

1r*******:

I think she is small talking for 9 minutes. I can't stand any more of this.

Pr**************:

This was the most excruciating Ted talk I've ever watched. Well, the parts with her talking anyway. I enjoyed the interview clips.

Ph**************:

what the hell. Pretty sure we came in looking for techniques in conversation but instead we were tricked into 20 minutes of typical freshmen experience.

ja******:

big talk question: "do you like anilingus?"

Ga**************:

Yeah, well... this is not a surrogate for small talk. These are interviews.

I try to imagine what would happen, if I, a forty-something, 6-feet, fat, bearded guy, would meet a young woman like Kalina in a train, lean over to her and ask her in my nicest voice: "What do you want to do before you die?"

Co*******************:

The message behind this is beautiful! For someone with a message that's still finding a way to express themselves, something like big talk is a great tool for finding your voice, and building confidence to go out and spread a message :) Thank you!

Sa****:

She invented deep conversation.

Ma************:

Bad TED Talk. Not showing any knowledge of effective communitcation which they are supposed to be educating us on.

Je**********:

Gave up after 4 minutes of "I was sad at university in various locations and situations"

Dz******:

Oh hi Mark, what do you want to do before you die?

Ge**********:

If I started my conversations saying we are all slaves and controlled under a big and complex system. I don't think I would have friends.

Sa**********:

Rockstars feel lonely after a concert. Why? People can be with their family at a dinner of 20 people filled with laughter and still feel lonely. Why? Sometimes because they haven't made friends with themselves yet. Namaste

As***********:

For someone doing a presentation on skipping empty and small talk she sure does beat around the damn bush. Just stop wasting our time and get to the goddamn point.

F:

She didn't need to verbally explain how to skip the small talk...she did it visually.

Step one - be a hot, young sorority girl that just about everyone wants to sleep with or be friends with.

Step two - say anything you want because just about anyone will talk to a hot girl about whatever she damn well chooses to talk about.

Ke********:

When will TedTalks teach me how to become a Jedi?

Vi*************:

Omg, the kid who just wanted a wife and kids T_T, my heart is melting

Da************:

I wish i had friends so they could think im happy.

No*****:

You can actually hear her heart beating into the microphone. lol

fd***:

This video is sponsered by "Mad Men"

Lo***********:

"We live, as we dream, alone." - Joseph Conrad (and Gang of Four)

Kr**********:

my only problem with this is you would never go up to a stranger and ask them "what do you want to do before you die?" If someone did that to me, I would think they were freaking crazy and I'd walk away. small talk is there for a reason.

AN**:

I don't want to seem conceited, but there's something I figured out one time, sort of as a rule to live by. I decided that the way to live my life to the fullest is by trying to experience as much as I possibly can. Every time I limit myself from doing something I'm denying myself an experience. Every time I never try to do something, or I give up, I'm chipping off a piece of myself that I could be. I don't know if this helped anyone that is feeling like they're just kind of drifting. It's more of a goal for living.

Ji*******:

The camera, her youth, and her attractiveness I believe, project a certain safety to strangers who I am sure felt as if they were part of a personal documentary...big deal. I think her manner of eliciting "big-talk" is ironically superficial - a facade: "Look at us...we're doing big talk..isn't this great?" You ask me questions, I give you answers..so what? Talk show hosts do that all the time. It would have been far more useful had she elucidated techniques to elicit "big-talk", rather than turn it into a global (social-media) project.

Generally, small talk is the way things are at work. I think acquaintances (not close friends), would feel weird if I asked them deep questions all the time. Also, some people feel vulnerable about exposing their deeper self....ESPECIALLY if they are acquaintances (not close friends, and not strangers). Further, once you get past the deep stuff, the default seems to be the small stuff - you can only ask an acquaintance what they want to do before they die once. What she doesn't seem to understand is that "big-talk" is a process, not a goal.

Personally I have observed the limitations of "small talk" with it's nonsensical, superficial jargon: "how you doing" "what's going on" "have a nice day" all fluffy, disingenuous bullshit like that. In this, I am in agreement. However, I think that small talk has its place as an introduction...a FIRST LINE of questions. The real skill comes in GENTLY moving the conversation to the second line of questions, and eventually getting to a deeper connection. I can, usually within 10 minutes, get many people, not all, to open up about deeper issues, but I don't start off that way. I can do this because I have practiced. There are certain skills involved: being authentic, being fully present, really listening, body gesture, manners of speaking, developing trust, ramping up the depth of conversation gradually, etc. Just walking up to someone and asking "what do you want to do before you die?" to me sounds somewhat laden with an agenda and ironically is far afield from an authentic deep connection - I am not there to interview them.

She did not elucidate any methods by which to get to "big-talk" except as a project....."let's do big talk now." Websites and cameras in the context of a project are one thing, casual meetings around the water cooler are quite another.

Se************:

Funny thing is I think I've had exactly the opposite experience as her.

All of my young life I was most comfortable with the big talk, but uncomfortable with small talk. [Exhibit A: I'm putting all of this out there on a YouTube comment.] I found it very alienating and lonely because most people are not comfortable with that level of intimacy. That goes for giving and receiving.

To me a friend is someone you don't need to put on a persona for. Someone who knows all of your faults and skeletons but accepts you anyway. All the others are acquaintances. In my mind, someone not being comfortable talking about things that really matter--their hopes, their fears--means they don't trust me to know the 'them' that resides deep inside. Thus, they didn't consider me their friend.

On the receiving end, I was also the person who was always putting my deepest thoughts and feelings out there. I could literally watch people shrink away from me in discomfort. When I was little, I remember watching people who would switch personalities depending on surroundings and thinking of them as lairs, as two-faced, as just disingenuous people. That probably seems funny when all I'm talking about is putting on a smile and acting cheery when moments ago they were a sea of worry or something. Nevertheless, early on I vowed to myself that I would always have the integrity to outwardly reflect my inner self with no masks. That lead to a lonely few decades.

People didn't want to be around someone who expects them to practically bear their soul, so people who wouldn't been great casual friends distanced themselves. I felt like I was walking through life naked among a sea of people hiding behind their masks. Nobody seemed willing to share their inner self with me and nobody seemed comfortable being around me. I felt very alone. I became resentful.

How it played out is that I only ended up meeting a few people over the years that were comfortable with that level of intimacy, and as such they were/are deeply bonded relationships... and next to zero friendships/acquaintances beyond that.

It is only recently that I have come to accept small talk as a social lubricant that binds us as on all kinds of levels. Just because someone doesn't want to share with me their worries about growing distant from their spouse, for instance, doesn't mean they don't care deeply about me and value the relationship we have.

I am still very awkward, uncomfortable, and unpracticed when trying to talk about the weather or local sports team or whatever, but I'm trying. I have to consciously resist what comes naturally to me, which is "James! Been a while. How're things going with Carol? Better?" which in my mind expresses empathy, concern, that the things that really matter to him matter to me, and offers an ear/shoulder. How that could be a conversation killer was beyond me. I've learned that one kind of friend is the sort that is an escape from your concerns. It's ok to just have a beer together and laugh about meaningless stuff. There's value in that.

I'm still struggling to find a balance that feels true to myself, in terms of feeling like I am putting my raw self out there but not overwhelming folks, and in being completely open and inviting for people to share their inner self with, while respecting people's boundaries and comfort levels without taking it personally.

 

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[TEDx Talks] We gathered comments about popular videos and looked at them in summary, including play time, and order of popularity.

It's a good video or channel, but if you're sad because it's too long, please leave a YouTube channel or video link and I'll post it on this blog.

 

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